Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
