just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
