Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
