so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
your like the ambassador to my penis.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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