do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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