I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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