Ketchup is God's man juice
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
