she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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