I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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