okay pat passed out under dana's car
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
