You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
