Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
