if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
