i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
