my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
40s are totally the cure
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
