im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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