You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
