So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
