My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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