Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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