Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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