Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
