the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
