ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize