i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
