I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My balls are so social today.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize