somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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