Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
