I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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