I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize