I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
