So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
