Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
