just tell him i said nine months
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
