kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
