he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
there is glitter all over my balls
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
