This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
