Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
