nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
