She announced her abortion via fbk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
