...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
