carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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