I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
