apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
