tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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