Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he thought i was a dude.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
