why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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