No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
a search helicopter?!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
