it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
