I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
