oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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