what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
