I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize