dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
