Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
