I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
