Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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