if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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