your thong is hanging out like whoa
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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