new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
