Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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