is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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