This is not my ceiling
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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