The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
