he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize