I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
