so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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