She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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