Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
