Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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