i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
