I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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