been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize