Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
