my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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