Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Randomize
