He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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